Encouraging Quotes by George Carlin

Encouraging Quotes by comedian George Carlin.

George Carlin
George Carlin
  • “I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

  • “I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.”

  • “I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.”

  • “I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.”

  • “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”

  • “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

  • “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

  • “It’s never just a game when you’re winning.”

  • “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”

  • “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

  • “People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.”

  • “I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!”

  • “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

  • “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

  • “If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

  • “Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.”

  • “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

  • “The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

  • “When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.”

  • “You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.”

  • “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?”

  • “Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”

  • “Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

  • “If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.”

  • “Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.”

  • “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

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